In my last post, I wrote about wanting to live with Mr Wonderful. At the time, I didn’t know how he felt about the idea. Well, it’s two months later. No, we’re not living together but… I think we’re close to. What does that mean? We’ve been talking about it. The subject has been brought up. It turns out, he’s been thinking about it too.
We spent two fabulous weeks traveling Asia in July. It was two weeks of being in each other’s presence twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Ok, I get that you can never judge the urge and the feeling of wanting and needing to be with your significant other all the time whilst you are on vacation. Because vacation is not reality. Everyone is more relaxed on vacation. No one is stressed. No one thinks about paying bills. There are no dirty dishes or laundry to be done. Everything seems more fun on vacation. We let things go on vacation instead of letting them annoy us as it would in real life. So, yes, I get that being on vacation isn’t the best case in point. The thing is, since we’ve returned, we’ve had to go back to living separately and truth be told, I think he’s finding it harder to go back to our normal living arrangement having spent all of our time together whilst we travelled. I, on the other hand, have missed him of course, but I have to admit that I have been enjoying coming home to my own space.
We’ve been talking about living together. Probably moreso over the last few days. I know it’s something I want, but I’m scared as hell. Call me old-fashioned but I believe in monogamy, I believe in commitment, I believe in ‘this is it, there’s no turning back’. Am I naive enough to think that a love can last forever, hell no. The fact that I am where I am today is living proof that love does not always last. But that doesn’t stop me from believing in and wanting it to last for myself. I always have and I always will. And I sure as hell hope that the one I choose feels the same way, always.
So yes, I’m slightly terrified. The fears are real, they are here. They make themselves present as a reminder of all the negatives that could happen. I’m trying to fight them. I’m trying to not let fear rule my heart and my relationship. It’s hard and I know I need to be persistent.